Cash for Kaddish
My wife was contacted through the internet by a person seeking someone to say Kaddish for a deceased relative for a year. So my wife asked me if I would do it. I readily agreed, I have no problem saying Kaddish for someone. That then turned into an internet back and forth. Essentially the person wanted to know how much I charged. My response:
“Huh?”
Yes I know that there are various groups that charge various fees to have your loved one’s name included in a group that someone says Kaddish for, or even more money to have it done by an individual. I am not speaking against any of those groups. They provide a valuable service for folks who may live in communities where they don’t have a daily minyan, but still want Kaddish said every day.
However, I have no idea how to price fix something like that. I mean it is not a great deal of added trouble. I would be in minyan everyday anyway. I would be following along in the siddur and saying Amen in the appropriate places. Now instead I will be saying the Kaddish with the Shliah Tzibur instead. So how do your charge for something like that?
My general and ongoing response was that I will gladly do it for the person without a fee. If they felt like they wanted to give me some sort of financial benefit from it, then they should decide whatever they thought was fair and give that, but even if they don’t I will do it simply because it is a Jewish soul that needs Kaddish said.
What can I say? I never want to look into the mirror and see a charlatan staring back, and I have really hard time justifying asking for money in order to say Kaddish instead of answering Amen.
I agree. I would probably ask them to give whatever amount they would want to pay to some tzedakah le’ilui nishmat the deceased.
I am saying Kaddish on behalf of someone at the moment. The amount should be based on what the mourner can afford as tzedakah in the merit of the neshoma of the deceased. No amount can be prescribed as that in my humble opinion is extremely distasteful. The person requesting the service obviously is prevented from undertaking the obligation themselves for some reason and to profit from someone’s inability is just plain wrong.
While I wholeheartedly agree with what you’ve written please allow me to play devil’s advocate.
In general, I think that a person looking to “hire” somebody to say Kaddish wants Kaddish said (at least) once at every tefillah. Additionally, they may want somebody to say Kaddish exclusively for their niftar, and not merely as a name on a list.
That’s a big responsibility! It means no walking out after Uva L’Tzion because you need the restroom or during Aleinu because your wife needs you to watch the kids ASAP. With all due respect, you may be the type of person who NEVER arrives late or leaves early to davening (I with I was!) but I think that most people – who don’t already have the responsibility of saying Kaddish – wouldn’t be willing to commit themselves to such a yoke – day in, day out, rain or shine – without some sort of compensation.
The going rate for amateur (or even professional) rabbinic services seems to be about $300. That’s what I paid my LOR for my FIL’s funeral 12 years ago, that’s what a friend paid me to do her husband’s unveiling last year, that’s what my old boss paid to have someone say kaddish for his aunt a few years ago – when his parents died soon after, he started saying kaddish himself.
Anyway, money creates responsibility. If you’re not being paid, you might slack off after a while, but if you’ve made a contract with consideration (payment), you’ll feel responsible to stick it out till the end. It also allows the payer to believe they’re getting a valuable service – if you do it free, they may not appreciate it as much. It’s not ideal, I’m sure, but we live in a real world, where people value what they pay for.
“extremely distasteful” – yes, that’s true too. The rabbi never said “$300″, he said “pay whatever you think is appropriate.” So I asked the last person for whom that rabbi had done a funeral what he had paid, and he said $300. So that’s what I paid. Asking directly is crass, but there are ways to let hir know what you expect.
If you look in the Halachic sources, you will see that it is important that the Avel (mourner) pay on behalf of someone else saying Kaddish. The payment need not be to the one saying Kaddish (if he does not need the money); it may be to another Tzedakah (charity) cause. The service of saying Kaddish should not be done in exchange for no responsibility on the part of the Avel. See Divrei Sofrim, Hilchot Avelut.